Thirty never felt so good~Ditching my twenties a little wiser

image.jpeg

In a few days I’ll be turning 30. I’m still in denial. Not because I think I’m old, but because I feel nowhere near what 30 “should” feel like. I spent part of my 20s obsessed with the fact that I was aging. The other part, the part of my 20s that was closer to 30, was spent rejoicing my age. The irony of life—the older I got, the less I stressed my age.

Throughout these 30 years I have learned a lot, or better yet relearned. Life is full of turns and bumps as well as some straight shots. It’s what makes it beautiful and exciting. My life has led me to learn more than a few lessons. Here are some to keep with you no matter your age:

  1. Age really ain’t nothing but a number

Time is just a form of measure we need as humans to keep track of things. Age is a form of tracking the time we’ve spent living this life. It doesn’t define us or what we can do. It doesn’t limit us if we don’t allow it. Embrace the age you have, whether it’s 15 or 50 and live out your life the way you desire. No one is getting in your way but yourself. You want to rock the shoes you’ve been eyeing at the store, do it. Allow age to make you wiser because of the experiences you’ve had, not limit you to encountering more experiences.

  1. Love yourself

Oh, the never ending battle of “I’m not pretty enough. I’m not tall enough.” At 30, I can say I am well into my personal path of self-discovery. What have I discovered the most? Love begins within. Look at yourself and smile, admire your beauty and tell yourself the three little words we crave to tell someone else. Seduce yourself and find that love you have in your heart so it can blossom inwardly.

  1. Be unapologetically YOU

You are unique in this Earth. Shine your light bright and spread your beauty with the world. I plan to continue working towards this into my 30s. I’m fortunate that my birthday and the year end on the same day. My resolutions are my own reflections of myself, the past year and my evolution into me. The more I reconnect with who I am, the more I want to be that person. I no longer want to apologize for my likes or dislikes. I no longer want to hide my truth out of fear of not fitting in or letting someone down. It’s time to get real.

  1. The daydream is your reality

How many times do we spend dreaming of what could be? Reality begins somewhere, and it’s usually in our dreams, the desires we hold in our hearts that give us passion and drive in life. That same passion you have for hoping something would be a certain way or a certain job would be yours can be put into work. Make it happen. How exciting would it be to live your daydream? It’s possible. Take it from me. I spent a long time dreaming of things I wanted to do until I woke up one day and asked myself, why not? Work hard and stay humble. Dreams do come true.

  1. Don’t be embarrassed to sing in the car

I love to sing. I’m terrible at it. I can admit my weaknesses the same as my strengths. No matter how much I wanted to be a singer as a child, I know it’s not my forte. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy good music and jam to my favorite songs. Driving is the best time for that, but I used to shy away if cars were near. Why? I’m sure the person driving next to you is doing the same thing. And if they aren’t, they’re watching you and admiring your guts to let loose and be carefree.

  1. Throw society’s rulebook out the window

I’ve never been one to really follow the rules, especially those placed by society. Who said we had to be married by 23 with a college degree and satisfying job? Who said by age 25 we were supposed to have 2.5 children, which mathematically is not even accurate. And when did we think it was okay to stop living, truly living, in order to make other people happy? Society is made up of humans who decided they were going to put certain things a priority. What is my priority is not yours. If you want to be married with children by 25, go for it. If you want to travel, do that. I was lucky enough to live abroad, get my degree at my pace so I can explore the world, work different jobs, and get a few tattoos along the way. I’m single. I don’t have children. And I’m 30. Embrace your journey and follow your own guidelines to life. After all, you’re the one who is living it.

  1. Follow your intuition

How many times have I ignored thee? I’m grateful my intuition is still intact and willing to give me another chance. Follow your gut. Listen to your heart. And see with your mind’s eye. We know what’s up. Whether we choose to listen or not is our choice, but as soul beings we have an awareness we can develop and open so we can live honestly and knowingly. Our intuition is our guide. It informs us if we should eat that meal, or if that guy is a good date. Our knowingness is one of the greatest gifts we have. I have learned to listen closely and respect it. It’s amazing how life changes when you do.

  1. Date the boy (or girl)

I spent so many years closed off to the world that I never gave anyone a true chance at reaching my heart. I learned. I got hurt. But mostly, I was caged off. I’m at a place in my life now where I am open to meeting someone. I am at a place where I can reflect and be honest with myself. Maybe I could have given that guy I met back in high school a fair chance. I didn’t, but that doesn’t mean I did wrong. I did what I needed to do then. Now I know the difference between listening to my gut or listening to my fear. Don’t be afraid to open up to someone, even if that someone isn’t your forever. Date, meet people, and have fun. Experience different relationships, but always love yourself in the process and know what’s right for you. Keep your heart open to the possibility of falling in love and believe in the happily ever after.

  1. It’s okay to cry

I am the anti-crier. I really don’t get emotional often. I used to pride myself on my strong façade. Then, I went to a meditation a few days ago and the water dam was burst open. Ever since that day I have become overly emotional. At least for a lonely Capricorn like myself, getting emotional is a foreign language. Ever since that day though I have come to terms that it’s okay to show your emotions. Be proud for being human and having feelings instead of shaming yourself as a “weakling.” Seriously, I have become a softie, but instead of getting judged for expressing myself, I’ve been compassionate and others have as well. Feel free to express yourself honestly and demonstrate to the world what you’re feeling. My aunt jokes that it’s part of turning 30, but I know it is part of my own personal evolution. Cry it out and feel.

I look forward to the future. I am excited to see what my 30s will bring and continue to follow these things I mentioned above. And like that old Tim McGraw says, I look forward to my next thirty years.

Closure is Within

It’s been a long time since I’ve dated. A lifetime almost. It takes courage to open up to people, especially for a lonely goat like myself. But I did it. I reluctantly began the process, putting myself out there through online dating after a friend and I made a deal. Shortly after, to my surprise, I met a pretty amazing guy. We hit it off right away, and that guard I had carefully built throughout the years with precision was shattered. Brought down in the matter of a week when I finally realized I could live my life alone or find my own kind of happiness.

He was everything I could have asked for. Actually, he was most things that my own wish list of desires for a partner had written on it. How easy was this dating thing when you meet someone who complements you so well a month into it? We meshed perfectly, not missing a beat. It felt like we had known each other before, longer than we had in this moment in life. I questioned if he was a soul mate, one of the many I know roam this earth, but I never got a clear answer. Deep down I knew he wasn’t. I saw him as someone who was placed in my path to teach me a lesson. Maybe we had karma to clear from a previous time that our souls danced together because despite how wonderful things were going, they ended.

They ended in a way I despised, a way that I had previously experienced in a past relationship. A term I recently learned thanks to some great girlfriends, Google, and warm coffee. He ghosted on me. Now for those of you that are in the dark like me, he just disappeared. The text messages were brief and then there were none, in the matter of two days. I was hurt. Actually, my ego was hurt. This was someone I knew for a little over a month. Yeah, I liked him, we had great chemistry, but my ego was the one that felt betrayed.

The human in me questioned how could he do this when he had talked about plans in the future, when he was the one who was so open and forthcoming. I was the cool one, so when did the tables turn?

The human in me wanted to reach out, wanted to make it known I was aware that he pulled away. But for what cause? To be on the receiving end of more silence, or worse. I took a deep breath, finished my coffee with my gals, and reflected. I have come a long way to return to my old ways. I had two choices—learn from this and grow, or return to the lonely top of the mountain. The latter was so tempting that I began the climb. I rationalized. I put myself out there, it didn’t work, I got hurt again, so I’m resorting to the way I was living my life, which was in no way actual living. I was hiding in a bulletproof case that rejected the shots thrown my way, but those shots make beautiful scars. They mark us to be better.

I decided I was going to look at this experience differently. Through my journey, I have come to this experience much differently than I would have in the past. I was not going to judge him. This is a part of his path, regardless of how annoyed I was at his behavior. He was placed on my path for a reason. We were placed in each other’s lives for whatever the reason may be. I had the choice to release judgment and take the lessons of my ego from a part of my soul being instead of my human being. I chose to be compassionate and understanding. I chose to free myself. Not from him or having a relationship, but from myself. From the me that used to hold herself back from living out of fear that the heartbreak would be worse than the loneliness. From the me that convinced herself so deeply that dealing with emotions was for the weak. I freed myself from the misconception that fairy tales were unreal and love was an illusion for the blind.

In retrospect, I could have been more in like with the idea that I had met such a great match. How easy it was to say that I found my forever the first time I attempted real dating. The thought of having to get back on the dating horse and start all over again makes me cringe. And since I’m being completely honest, I’ll also say that through reflection I admitted to myself that I wasn’t being totally honest with him. I put myself completely into the building of the relationship, whatever kind of relationship it was, but I kept a part of me hidden just like the moon, waiting for the right time to show my wholeness. Waiting for him to know me fully before I showed him all of me. How could he know me fully if I wouldn’t allow him that privilege? A privilege he asked for. So my biggest lesson is to shine brightly and expose my true glow, allowing someone to fall in love with all of me as I have fallen in love with myself.

In the end, the universe put me in a situation that was necessary, a situation that caused me to stop and think about the life I want and the partner I ultimately want. It tested me and wooed me, but it never abandoned me or gave me unnecessary hurt. It was firm in its beliefs and in guiding me in the right direction. And if there’s one thing I’m sure of it’s that when I meet that soul mate roaming nearby, I’ll feel it in my soul. I won’t be able to hold back because his soul will pull mine in. And I can’t wait to find that soul that grooves with mine.

b60f6eb890a1cb595dcd6ac187bb9fac

Life Coaching~ Live the life you imagine

Along with Reiki and guiding meditations, I am a life coach. I have been lucky to find careers that make my heart smile and my soul soar. I want to give you a little insight into life coaching and its benefits.

Life coaching helps individuals live happily and passionately through the use of cognitive behavioral approaches and the law of attraction targeting different key areas of life (relationships, health, career, prosperity) to attract the desires they have and shift their energy vibrations to travel at higher, positive frequency. In essence, our thought patterns dictate what we attract into our lives. What you send off to the Universe is what you will bring back into your life, intentional or unintentional. Life Coaching allows individuals to align their thoughts, feelings and emotions with their beliefs in order to create and attract their desires.

Through Vibrational Matching, a holistic approach based on principles of well-being and abundance, individuals’ energy vibration rises to travel at a higher frequency and allows them to open up to their true desires. The four steps in Vibrational Matching are:

  • Create Feel-Good Moments {doing things that make us happy lift our energy vibrations}.
  • Identifying Your Desires {creating a wish list of our desires helps in opening our awareness of what exactly we want in life and attracting it}.
  • Activating Your Intentions {An intention is the coupling of a strong desire with a strong belief that you can have that desire. Using the desires from the wish list, I work with individuals in raising their belief that they can have the life they desire and create intentions that in accordance with each other.}
  • Release the Outcome {Individuals send off their intentions to the Universe and open themselves to receiving their desires at the perfect timing}.

Through life coaching, individuals work on releasing negative emotions, focusing on the positive in their lives, and opening themselves to accepting to learn from experiences and people that come into their lives, being compassionate of what you or others have attracted. I guide and support the individual in identifying and clarifying what he or she wants to achieve, and support him or her in becoming self aware and open-minded.

You can contact me for more information at: fabilouslife@yahoo.com

Stop, Drop, and Choose

43e39040

I am an over thinker. I always have been. My heart is a free spirit that wants to wander the world aimlessly, and my brain is a Capricorn. I have learned to listen with my heart, follow it more and think less of the what if. Boy, do I dislike those what ifs. They are our brain getting in the way of a lovely plan that fills our souls. Do you ever get that kick or jump in your stomach that draws your attention? I have challenged myself to listen to that and just “Stop, Drop and Choose.” Choose what my heart wants on the first try. Ask myself a question, do I stay or go? If I stop, Drop and Choose, what is the first word that pops into my mind. Don’t over think, just do.

Ever since I was a young girl, I would get that gut feeling. I had no idea what it was, but I used to describe it like anti-butterflies. My stomach would not get that warm and fuzzy feelings, but instead it would churn. It would feel heavy and uncomfortable.

If I met a guy, I would think, “He’s cute. I’ll give him a chance.” And I would, because who wouldn’t want to give a cute guy you clicked with a chance? But I would always listen to my stomach. If I got that churning, uncomfortable feeling, I would break it off. Why be with someone who does not give you the good kind of butterflies? Listen to that.

Do you get happy butterflies or churning moths? If it churns, run and run fast, from any situation. Be brave enough to do what is right for you. But if those butterflies are full of love and care, stay and enjoy the caress. Your heart and soul know what is best for you, and they try to guide you. It is up to you, and me, to listen. From what I have learned from the lessons of not listening, I am choosing to pay attention, closely.

At first it may be difficult because our minds contradict what our intuition is telling us, but with practice you become more in tune with that part of you. Once you listen to that part of you and experience all the wonderful things that can happen, this practice will become more and more a part of your life.

I have challenged myself to choose. Choose the direction I want my life to go without thinking what could go wrong or asking what if I stay. I choose to listen to my butterflies when it comes to meeting the right man, and I choose to listen to my heart so I can move forward from a place of love and compassion.

I want chances to explore my world openly, without letting my brain get in the way, as it so often has in the past. Through my journey I have learned to trust myself a little more and ignore what the world says. I have gone with my instinct when it comes to a job, a place to live, or a relationship. It was difficult at first to separate the facts my mind created to the feeling my heart had. Even more difficult to explain this to others who were not one with their intuition, but I learned to release that and follow my gut, which is tied to my heart.

There is a freedom that comes with following our intuition, an opening within our hearts and souls and bodies that allows us to move through life with a different kind of confidence. I want to feel that always, everyday of my life. I want to be able to dance through my path so sure of each step that my soul is the captain of my body and my heart is the sail. Have the courage to live with your heart. Listen to its secrets and allow it to guide you.

So to you I say, Stop, Drop and Choose. What does your heart say?


A practice to become more in tune with your intuition is to sit in a quiet space by yourself, close your eyes and take a few deeps breaths to clear your mind from wandering thoughts. Once you are relaxed, think of a question you may have been asking yourself. Maybe it’s a choice you need to make. *{I found it easier to start with yes or no questions.}

Once you think of this, what is the first thought to enter your mind? That is your answer. That is your higher self and intuition responding over your analytical mind. This is the truth before we tear it apart and make excuses as to why it cannot be that way. Try it. Live it. See what happens in your life when you do.

*Examples of questions to begin with:

Is this the right job for me?

Is this the right car for me?

My Letter to a Fictional Character

woman reading

Reading—the act of understanding written words and symbols. I searched the definition of the verb “to read,” and they were all the same; understanding and following written words or phrases, to speak aloud the words in a book or magazine.

Nowhere did I find the true meaning of what it means to read, or what happens to a person when they dive into a story they love. No technical definition will show that. It’s a connection between reader and author, reader and characters, reader and words, that is intimate and unique. No two people read the same book.

I developed my love for reading at an older age when I came across books that resonated with me, that made me look at myself and the world differently, whether they were fiction or nonfiction, because they were my thing. Or maybe I developed it later because I wasn’t ready to look within myself and explore what I’d find there. Whatever the reason, I’m glad I finally found this gift.

I believe we read books, which for the most part resonate deeply within us, with characters that mirror us. Whether it’s the main characters, just one quality of them, a secondary character, the hero or the villain, some part of their character development strikes us as familiar. The emotions, the actions, whatever it may be, allow us to form a deeper connection.

I’ve been thinking about characters a lot. The characters I create in my books and those I come across by chance when I pick up a book and allow it to consume me. These characters have impacted me one way or another, each and every one of them, and I thought it was time I wrote them a letter. I felt the need to communicate with them my feelings, and as soon as I started writing, the words poured out from somewhere inside of me that I know I don’t let the world always see. Lately, I have been much more romantic than my usual ways. Instead of thinking how to break-up my couples or kill off a character, I have been focusing on how to create the most happily ever after.

I have read and loved books that range from The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet to Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James. Yes, it’s a wide range of genres but I have learned something from each book that has wrapped me up in its world—accept myself and my journey. This is a lesson I have struggled with for a long time, so it is only appropriate that I learn this lesson over and over again in literature, something that I do for pleasure and not to “learn” from. The joke’s on me because there is always something to learn from everything we do and come across. Right? We gotta love life’s lessons.

I have come to meet characters like Jack Jackson from The Pillars of the Earth, who is known as the odd boy or “village idiot.” What I admired the most about Jack was his persistence in reaching his goals and, although it was not easy, how he maintained true to himself. It was his true version that got Aliena to fall in love with him. It was his compassion and quiet soul that achieved the building of such a cathedral.

Anna in Fifty Shades of Grey is one of those characters that has such low self-esteem that I immediately understood her. She is the epitome of the mousy character we hate to love because we want to shake them and yell for them to open their eyes and look in a mirror. But how many times have I looked at myself in the mirror and not really seen me? As we read her story, we see her confidence growing and how strong of a woman she really is when she releases her own self-doubt and embraces the person she was born to be.

Then, I come across Santiago from The Alchemist. Oh, Santiago, you are a man after my own heart. He is a wise boy who follows his dreams; doubts and hesitation included, but does so regardless. Santiago goes in search of a treasure that is within him the entire time. Sometimes we need to go on the journey so it can teach us how to look within and listen to ourselves. The universe is inside all of us because we are one with it, and we hold its secrets in our soul.

These books and many more taught me to continue being who I am regardless of what people think of me because I am unique. There is no other me to fulfill my purpose in life and accepting that opened my eyes and heart. These characters have become a part of me because I am each and every one of them. I have lived what they have to some degree. I may not be a mousy girl falling in love with a dom or a “village idiot” but at one point in my life I have hidden myself from the world.

Yes, at one point I may have been ashamed of who I was, but I have learned to embrace my true essence and share it with the world. Books can teach us many things, and it is the lessons and characters that resonates with us that make these stories magical. Let your hair down and run wild with yourself. Be-you-tiful.

What better way to communicate with a dear character than by the same way they came to you, words.

Dear You,

Or me. Because we may be one in the same.

Who would have thought that fate would bring us together, wrapping us in an intimate cocoon of affection when we are worlds apart. I thank the Universe for bringing you into my life, because although people think you are not real, you very much are so.

You are me—a part of me I have yet to discover or a part of me that I have hidden from the world. Through you I have found that part of me and built the courage to show myself.

I have fallen in love with you, many times, over and over again because I have fallen in love with myself. And I thank you for offering your hand in guiding me through life’s lessons and teaching me what I need to learn. Although you are part of a story created by someone else, you have impacted my life and woven yourself into my threads because we are one. We are connected.

Thank you for coming into my life and teaching me to love and forgive, to laugh and cry. Thank you for teaching me that it is okay to show my emotions to the world and to feel the world around me completely and honestly. You have wrapped me up in your world for the short time I get to spend with you, but no matter how short our affair may be, it is forever remembered in my heart.

My fictional character, the one that brings out the best in me and proves to me that it is required to dream in life and to fall in love. If you were here, in a physical form, we would be soul mates dancing in the moonlight. Instead, I live with you through the pages of a book, memorizing your scent and your words.

Until we meet again, keep me with you as I will keep you with me.

Sincerely,

Me

Lessons in Nature~What we see when we are centered and open

Sometimes what we need to see is right in front of us.
Sometimes what we need to see is right in front of us.

I was driving to meet two blogger friends­—one of them is a fellow author as well—when I hit major fog on I-75 driving north from Miami. Now, fog isn’t very common in South Florida so I’m not accustomed to driving in it. At first I thought it was a sheet of rain and was relieved when I realized it was fog. Ironic, huh? I’m used to rain but prefer to drive in something I am not familiar with.

The fog wasn’t terrible to drive in but it lasted for miles, some miles heavier than others, but I was always able to see the road right in front of me.

When I looked back through my rearview mirror I saw the sheet of gray that I had left behind. If I looked forward into the part of the road that awaited me, I saw another gray sheet. I was grateful for having the road clear enough for me to see a few yards ahead. Then it would get really heavy, likely relaying the message to pay attention to what the fog represented.

Finally it clicked just as I was stretching my neck like a giraffe to look ahead over the streak of humidity on my windshield to see just how bad the fog was up ahead. I just got it. I looked immediately in front of me where my car was, then through the rearview mirror. My mind was catching up slowly, testing me like our minds tend to do.

Then, in the silence of my car, I chuckled. I literally laughed out loud and told the universe, “touché, universe, touché.” The universe knows what we need and when we need it. As I was driving, my mind was relaxed and focused on the present, but I had been going through some rough days anxious about the future. The fog was there to remind me that the past is blurry and finished with, and the future is still not clear since we haven’t arrived to it yet. The present moment is the one that is transparent because it is where we are living. Our actions in the present moment mold our path for the future, releasing the past as it happens and continuing to move forward with an open mind and heart.

I thanked the fog for that reminder. Many times, most times for me, we are so obsessed with what will happen that we miss what is happening right now. Or we obsess with how to change the past when the only thing we can do is learn from it and continue to more forward, taking each lesson with us to help us grow.

I definitely needed that lesson during that week, so I made a pact with myself to release the stress and worry and just have fun in the present, as I trust the universe to work its magic. And what a mighty magic wand the universe owns when we trust it and allow our purpose to expand. Everything will work out the way it is meant to for all of our highest good, and when we trust and release the negativity that can sneak in, the universe conspires to helps us reach those desires.

Before this experience, I was aware that I needed to release the anxiety of the future and be present in the now, but that’s easier said than done, right? It took nature to interfere as something that I am not familiar with, something that would have really caught my attention, for me to learn this lesson. Then I thought to myself after I realized what was happening, Watch how the fog clears up now that you’ve learned your lesson. A couple of miles later the sun shone on my car and the view was clear.

It is amazing how we coexist in the world—humans, nature, animals—to create a balance and learn from each other. I want to share three practices that can help release anxiety and be mindful because we may not always have the fog right in our faces to open our eyes.

Tools for mindful living:

  1. Before getting out of bed in the morning, close your eyes and focus on your breath. Inhale and exhale slowly and steady, clearing your mind. You can repeat an affirmation for the day. An example, I am present, body and soul, in this moment. If you are struggling on releasing a worry or stress, you can repeat, I release what no longer serves me and accept what is, moving forward with an open heart.
  2. Go for a walk and be aware of your surroundings. Focus on the colors of the leaves, the flowers, the noises around you. Is there a dog barking or the wind blowing? Leave your electronics at home or in your car, and be one with your surroundings. A color walk is also wonderful. Choose a color in your mind, preferably not a common one in your area, and as you walk, focus on that color around you. These are different ways to disconnect from the chaotic world and come back to center.
  3. Do something you love. Whether it is painting, writing, exercise or cooking. Feed your soul with something that fulfills you and focus on that. Be mindful of the words you are writing or the vegetables you are chopping, the brush strokes, the movement of your hands or fingers across an instrument. When you do things that are true to you, you release negativity and open your mind to positive thinking. You create feel-good moments.

Pumpkin Carrot Soup Recipe

Pumpkin Carrot Soup

This is my favorite go-to soup recipe, especially in the fall. There is nothing better than a warm cup of soup that mixes the perfect balance of fall flavors. Living in Miami, we do not get the different seasons like so many other states do, so this recipe gives me a sense of being somewhere cool as I watch the fall leaves turn orange and red in my mind’s eye.

It is also great for any season. I made this yesterday and it was delicious, even if it is still summer. Toast some bread, or make some homemade croutons, and you have a wonderful meal.


Ingredients:

1 medium pumpkin {any kind}, peeled and seeded, cut into chunks

1 large onion, peeled and cut into chunks

4 garlic cloves, peeled

2 carrots, peeled and roughly chopped

3 cups water {may use vegetable stock instead}

1/2 tsp nutmeg

salt and pepper to taste

1/2 cup of creamer optional {may use coconut creamer as well—delicious}


Instructions:

  1. Combine the pumpkin, carrots, onion and garlic cloves in a saucepan with the water, or stock.
  2. Bring to a boil, and then reduce heat to a simmer and cover. Cook until the carrots and pumpkin are tender.
  3. Once the vegetables are cooked, transfer your soup to a blender and blend all the ingredients until they are smooth and creamy.
  4. Bring the soup back to the saucepan and cook on simmer, adding creamer if you choose, nutmeg and salt and pepper. Allow it to simmer until flavors are blended.
  5. Serve and enjoy!