A Year of Change

Fearless~not lacking fear, but embracing confidence

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A few months ago I decided to make a decision that has been years in the making—quit my nine to five and do what I love. It was a craving I’ve had for some time now. One I would begin to satisfy and then starve myself from. The reason always being fear. What if I didn’t make enough money to support myself? What if I failed? What if people thought I was crazy? What if… If you’ve read any of my posts, you’ll know that the what if is an excuse we place because of insecurity and fear. It’s a cover up to avoid the worst. Why do we even imagine the worst? We are masochists. We rather dwell on our failures than bask in our success. Because of fear.

When I saw this sign at a store, I had to get it. I had it pinned on a Pinterest board and thought to myself, “One day I’ll buy that.” I’d say it was pure coincidence finding it when I did, but there is no such thing as a coincidence. I found the sign when I needed to find it. I found it when I was beginning a new journey. I found it when I had decided to put aside my fears and dive head first into the unknown. A big unknown.

I’m not to say that I live one hundred percent fearlessly because I am still growing and learning. I am still lifting my confidence and belief in all I can accomplish. But when I decided to quit teaching to become a full-time writer and LuLaRoe Consultant, I decided to take a risk on my happiness. It was then that I asked myself, “How much do you believe in YOU?” Working independently can be a difficult road. I’m a realist. There are and will be challenges and there will be moments I question my own sanity. (More than I already do. ;)) However, this was something I needed to do for me. How could I preach confidence and worth when I wasn’t fully giving myself the opportunity to live my truth?

So has begun the journey of being self-employed, of flexibility, and of hard work. I have worked hard my whole life for things I love, and sometimes for what I didn’t love. I’ve always taken my jobs seriously. But this time, this is for me. This new career path was a choice in my personal journey as well. I’ve been working hard in my self-confidence, my security, my self-love. This is my turn to look at what I can do, believe in myself, and work from the heart.

I can make what I love a priority and turn it into a career. How great is that? Talking to my aunt and cousin the other day, we were discussing our purpose. My aunt said, “Your purpose is what comes from the heart. It’s something that fulfills you. Not just a job, but going into that job knowing you are doing what you love and working happily in that choice.” That’s what I’m starting to do.

I’ve always wanted to write. I’ve been working towards having a career where I can guide others, and my words do that. Now, I can help empower women as well in growing that confidence, because for me, LuLaRoe is more than clothes. It’s an opportunity teach others what I, myself, have learned about self-worth and self-love. Through writing and fashion I can live out my purpose. I can incorporate my healing practices and what I’ve learned in that journey.

In LuLaRoe, they ask what your Why is. Why did you want to join this company? Why did you want to become a consultant? My why is simple, I want to be happy. I want to empower others by empowering myself. I want to accomplish greatness and wake up each morning excited about what I do. Will I sometimes still feel fear? Probably. It’s part of life, right? It’s part of the lessons and reminder that we can crush that negative voice and continue to believe in ourselves. It’s overcoming that fear which allows us to continue becoming empowered.

I am a work in progress, just like the many stories I create. Just like the business I run. We are constantly growing and learning, but when I see my sign and I read the word Fearless, I am reminded of my strength. I am reminded that above all, I have the ability to create my own happiness.

Stop, Drop, and Choose

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I am an over thinker. I always have been. My heart is a free spirit that wants to wander the world aimlessly, and my brain is a Capricorn. I have learned to listen with my heart, follow it more and think less of the what if. Boy, do I dislike those what ifs. They are our brain getting in the way of a lovely plan that fills our souls. Do you ever get that kick or jump in your stomach that draws your attention? I have challenged myself to listen to that and just “Stop, Drop and Choose.” Choose what my heart wants on the first try. Ask myself a question, do I stay or go? If I stop, Drop and Choose, what is the first word that pops into my mind. Don’t over think, just do.

Ever since I was a young girl, I would get that gut feeling. I had no idea what it was, but I used to describe it like anti-butterflies. My stomach would not get that warm and fuzzy feelings, but instead it would churn. It would feel heavy and uncomfortable.

If I met a guy, I would think, “He’s cute. I’ll give him a chance.” And I would, because who wouldn’t want to give a cute guy you clicked with a chance? But I would always listen to my stomach. If I got that churning, uncomfortable feeling, I would break it off. Why be with someone who does not give you the good kind of butterflies? Listen to that.

Do you get happy butterflies or churning moths? If it churns, run and run fast, from any situation. Be brave enough to do what is right for you. But if those butterflies are full of love and care, stay and enjoy the caress. Your heart and soul know what is best for you, and they try to guide you. It is up to you, and me, to listen. From what I have learned from the lessons of not listening, I am choosing to pay attention, closely.

At first it may be difficult because our minds contradict what our intuition is telling us, but with practice you become more in tune with that part of you. Once you listen to that part of you and experience all the wonderful things that can happen, this practice will become more and more a part of your life.

I have challenged myself to choose. Choose the direction I want my life to go without thinking what could go wrong or asking what if I stay. I choose to listen to my butterflies when it comes to meeting the right man, and I choose to listen to my heart so I can move forward from a place of love and compassion.

I want chances to explore my world openly, without letting my brain get in the way, as it so often has in the past. Through my journey I have learned to trust myself a little more and ignore what the world says. I have gone with my instinct when it comes to a job, a place to live, or a relationship. It was difficult at first to separate the facts my mind created to the feeling my heart had. Even more difficult to explain this to others who were not one with their intuition, but I learned to release that and follow my gut, which is tied to my heart.

There is a freedom that comes with following our intuition, an opening within our hearts and souls and bodies that allows us to move through life with a different kind of confidence. I want to feel that always, everyday of my life. I want to be able to dance through my path so sure of each step that my soul is the captain of my body and my heart is the sail. Have the courage to live with your heart. Listen to its secrets and allow it to guide you.

So to you I say, Stop, Drop and Choose. What does your heart say?


A practice to become more in tune with your intuition is to sit in a quiet space by yourself, close your eyes and take a few deeps breaths to clear your mind from wandering thoughts. Once you are relaxed, think of a question you may have been asking yourself. Maybe it’s a choice you need to make. *{I found it easier to start with yes or no questions.}

Once you think of this, what is the first thought to enter your mind? That is your answer. That is your higher self and intuition responding over your analytical mind. This is the truth before we tear it apart and make excuses as to why it cannot be that way. Try it. Live it. See what happens in your life when you do.

*Examples of questions to begin with:

Is this the right job for me?

Is this the right car for me?

My Letter to a Fictional Character

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Reading—the act of understanding written words and symbols. I searched the definition of the verb “to read,” and they were all the same; understanding and following written words or phrases, to speak aloud the words in a book or magazine.

Nowhere did I find the true meaning of what it means to read, or what happens to a person when they dive into a story they love. No technical definition will show that. It’s a connection between reader and author, reader and characters, reader and words, that is intimate and unique. No two people read the same book.

I developed my love for reading at an older age when I came across books that resonated with me, that made me look at myself and the world differently, whether they were fiction or nonfiction, because they were my thing. Or maybe I developed it later because I wasn’t ready to look within myself and explore what I’d find there. Whatever the reason, I’m glad I finally found this gift.

I believe we read books, which for the most part resonate deeply within us, with characters that mirror us. Whether it’s the main characters, just one quality of them, a secondary character, the hero or the villain, some part of their character development strikes us as familiar. The emotions, the actions, whatever it may be, allow us to form a deeper connection.

I’ve been thinking about characters a lot. The characters I create in my books and those I come across by chance when I pick up a book and allow it to consume me. These characters have impacted me one way or another, each and every one of them, and I thought it was time I wrote them a letter. I felt the need to communicate with them my feelings, and as soon as I started writing, the words poured out from somewhere inside of me that I know I don’t let the world always see. Lately, I have been much more romantic than my usual ways. Instead of thinking how to break-up my couples or kill off a character, I have been focusing on how to create the most happily ever after.

I have read and loved books that range from The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet to Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James. Yes, it’s a wide range of genres but I have learned something from each book that has wrapped me up in its world—accept myself and my journey. This is a lesson I have struggled with for a long time, so it is only appropriate that I learn this lesson over and over again in literature, something that I do for pleasure and not to “learn” from. The joke’s on me because there is always something to learn from everything we do and come across. Right? We gotta love life’s lessons.

I have come to meet characters like Jack Jackson from The Pillars of the Earth, who is known as the odd boy or “village idiot.” What I admired the most about Jack was his persistence in reaching his goals and, although it was not easy, how he maintained true to himself. It was his true version that got Aliena to fall in love with him. It was his compassion and quiet soul that achieved the building of such a cathedral.

Anna in Fifty Shades of Grey is one of those characters that has such low self-esteem that I immediately understood her. She is the epitome of the mousy character we hate to love because we want to shake them and yell for them to open their eyes and look in a mirror. But how many times have I looked at myself in the mirror and not really seen me? As we read her story, we see her confidence growing and how strong of a woman she really is when she releases her own self-doubt and embraces the person she was born to be.

Then, I come across Santiago from The Alchemist. Oh, Santiago, you are a man after my own heart. He is a wise boy who follows his dreams; doubts and hesitation included, but does so regardless. Santiago goes in search of a treasure that is within him the entire time. Sometimes we need to go on the journey so it can teach us how to look within and listen to ourselves. The universe is inside all of us because we are one with it, and we hold its secrets in our soul.

These books and many more taught me to continue being who I am regardless of what people think of me because I am unique. There is no other me to fulfill my purpose in life and accepting that opened my eyes and heart. These characters have become a part of me because I am each and every one of them. I have lived what they have to some degree. I may not be a mousy girl falling in love with a dom or a “village idiot” but at one point in my life I have hidden myself from the world.

Yes, at one point I may have been ashamed of who I was, but I have learned to embrace my true essence and share it with the world. Books can teach us many things, and it is the lessons and characters that resonates with us that make these stories magical. Let your hair down and run wild with yourself. Be-you-tiful.

What better way to communicate with a dear character than by the same way they came to you, words.

Dear You,

Or me. Because we may be one in the same.

Who would have thought that fate would bring us together, wrapping us in an intimate cocoon of affection when we are worlds apart. I thank the Universe for bringing you into my life, because although people think you are not real, you very much are so.

You are me—a part of me I have yet to discover or a part of me that I have hidden from the world. Through you I have found that part of me and built the courage to show myself.

I have fallen in love with you, many times, over and over again because I have fallen in love with myself. And I thank you for offering your hand in guiding me through life’s lessons and teaching me what I need to learn. Although you are part of a story created by someone else, you have impacted my life and woven yourself into my threads because we are one. We are connected.

Thank you for coming into my life and teaching me to love and forgive, to laugh and cry. Thank you for teaching me that it is okay to show my emotions to the world and to feel the world around me completely and honestly. You have wrapped me up in your world for the short time I get to spend with you, but no matter how short our affair may be, it is forever remembered in my heart.

My fictional character, the one that brings out the best in me and proves to me that it is required to dream in life and to fall in love. If you were here, in a physical form, we would be soul mates dancing in the moonlight. Instead, I live with you through the pages of a book, memorizing your scent and your words.

Until we meet again, keep me with you as I will keep you with me.

Sincerely,

Me